- 1 Yes some teen dads will run away from responsibility of getting a girl pregnant and being a father but I do not think it has anything to do with their age
- 2 According to a recent researches 8 out of 10 teen dads do not actually marry the girls they impregnate
- 3 Teen dads, just like teen mums, have challenges
Boys undergoing this pregnancy crisis have been neglected, but does that mean that there are no teen dads and that teenage fatherhood does not exist? We all know that the answer is no. So, what are some of the common beliefs about teen dads?
- They run away from responsibility
- They do not care about the women they impregnate
- They will end up marrying you
- They do not undergo any challenges
Yes some teen dads will run away from responsibility of getting a girl pregnant and being a father but I do not think it has anything to do with their age
Yes, fatherhood is scarier at that age but how may grown up men have we seen or heard that ran away from the responsibility? Tones and tones. According to some recent studies, most of them want to take responsibility, they have come to terms with the mistakes they have made and want to do take the right step forward, even if they cannot help much. Some of the reasons they cannot take part include:
The family of origin:
Where someone comes from really counts, maybe your own parents or the girl’s parents do not want to see you anywhere next to each other, some even go to the extent of taking you very far or convincing you to say that baby is not yours, what do you do at that point? As a teen dad you are forced to submit because you have no otherwise.
The attitude of the pregnant girl:
It counts a lot. Sometimes someone does not want to see you or accept the help you want to provide. For instance, you want to be there for the kid but you no longer want a relationship with the girl if you two had one, some may be so disappointed they decide to get you out of the picture completely.
The circumstances that led to the pregnancy:
This is a bit extreme but it happens, for instance you raped her, you certainly do not expect her to want you in her life or even her baby’s. In fact, if it is a rape case I wonder why you still out, breathing and worse still want to be part of her life (dude, you should be behind bars) this is unacceptable, period! It does not matter who you are. But again, it will depend on the girl and her family. If she is willing to forgive you and accept you into her child’s life well and good. Another case could be if you both agreed to practice safe sex but somewhere during the process you removed the condom or you never even wore it. It gets tricky handling a liar, especially one who lied about some as big as that.
The belief that helping only include financial support:
Unfortunately, this has also sunk into the heads of some of the teen mums. If the guy has no financial support to give, then he is a broke guy who does not help her or her baby with anything and who should in fact even stop communication with them. Yes, money is needed during pregnancy and even much more is needed when raising a baby. It is not a cheap business but that does not mean that it is the only thing you can offer her and the kid.
There are other unavoidable circumstances like the guy could have died.
According to a recent researches 8 out of 10 teen dads do not actually marry the girls they impregnate
Even if they get married most of these marriages get frustrating ending up unsuccessful (I am not saying that all do not work). People grow up, people change, at every stage of your life you keep discovering new things and you are always in the process of readjusting yourself. It is funny that the guy/girl you liked in your teenage hood you would not even look at twice when you are an adult (unless they are physically endowed. In that case you will only be looking to admire the physical beauty but nothing else). What is my point? Chances are the person you think you highly adore right now a few years down the line you will want a better package, especially as teens.
We are still young, we are just starting to discover ourselves, what we like or what we don’t. Just how is such a person able to make an important decision concerning the woman/man who he/she would want to spend the rest of his life. Some girls are very lucky; they have a present baby daddy. He does not have to want you anymore, the person that counts at that point is your kid. If he is ready to be there, let him be. Chances are, even if he still wants you as his girlfriend, somewhere along the way your interests may end up shifting too. So when one day he tells you he does not want to be your boyfriend anymore, it might be hard but embrace it, it’s for your own good.
Like I said before, if a guy loves and cares about you he will respect your principles and values. One question though, how is he supposed to respect principles you do not even respect yourself? Values you do not even know you have? It is sad to say you uphold something when your actions speak the total opposite. Now if you already compromised your principles/values or you have none then you get pregnant somewhere along the way, you are both to blame (unless it’s a rape case). A guy does not need a hollow woman, unless he is hollow himself. Sometimes we women put ourselves in those situations where we feel unloved and uncared for.
Be wise, be very wise. Some guys don’t care about you. Especially if you are ready to give your body to someone without him putting a wedding ring on that finger (I am not saying now you should run off go get married as a teen) then my dear live each day expecting to feel uncared for. Some men will use you for ‘experience’ then go and marry another woman who kept herself. So in as much as we want to blame the boys for using us, getting us pregnant then leaving us for someone else, we should upgrade our standards. We ought to uphold our dignity.
Finally, maybe some honestly care about you because no matter what happens they stick by your side. They accept the mistake was yours both. They walk with you throughout the process of pregnancy and raising the kid. Even if he does not marry you, he avails himself when you or the baby need him. He understands that that was a one-time mistake that should not have happened in the first place. He does not let you go through it alone.
Teen dads, just like teen mums, have challenges
They should however be thankful that they have been spared the physical manifestations/burden. So what are some of the common challenges?
Lack of teen dad parent programs: in as such as the ones for teen mums are rare or hard to find, the ones for teen dads are now half the number the girls have. Now you can imagine the crisis. It is not easy for these young boys. They need an outlet, where they can share with those who have gone through or are going through the same issue, encourage one another. It enables them to build one another, growing the necessary fathering skills.
Economic: most at times they are in school. They do not have any source of money apart from their parents. Finding employment can also be extremely hard because they do not even have many skills. He has the desire to provide, to support his child but he lacks financially.
Lack of knowledge: just as we mentioned earlier, most do not have much information concerning fatherhood.
Stigma: it is there even for the guys. It is real. Almost everyone is looking at you like “the guy who destroyed so and so’s future, the one who can’t keep his thing in his pants, he cannot even offer financial support yet he got her pregnant”. Your own friends could be laughing at you, mocking you. If you are the one staying with the baby or even fully responsible it can scare away some women, you may want to date later in life.
School dropout: sometimes life gets hard, things get hard this could possibly be your only option. Parents have sent you from home or you have been forced to marry your baby mama. You have to take care of them fully, it becomes hard to balance school and your new family so you opt to stop schooling.
Drug and substance abuse: a times things get too tough one decides to indulge in drugs and substances abuse to drown their sorrows/worriers even if it is just for a while.
Emotional issues: they worry, they get stressed out, so worked up with everything going on, the major difference between them and women is they do not let it show unless it becomes overwhelming.